only once in a while.

 only once in a while.

  It doesn't happen every day, only once in a while. It doesn't take the big things, most of the time it's something so small most people wouldn't notice it. If you asked her though, she would probably look at you with a sparkle in her eye that tells you of a part of her life that she remembers so well. She might give you a little glimpse into that, the part of her life that tugs at her heart strings so. Most of it's so ordinary, but in her simple words it might tug at your heartstrings too.

   ...a hint of woodsmoke in the crisp fall air...

  It takes her back to a little logging town located in eastern Oregon. As she walks up the sidewalk, she pauses for just a small tidbit of a second, and turns and faces the mountains towering over the beautiful valley. A fresh fall of snow has dusted the trees, and here and there you can still catch a glimpse of a bright yellow tamarack tree. It's cold, the smoke from all the wood stoves mixed with a  little fog presses down. She takes it all in, the beauty that never grew old. She turns, knowing she needs to get busy, and walks inside that 'old fashioned school house' and prepares for another day.

...a classroom full of dear little children, all shapes and sizes, all made perfect by the God of Heaven...

  She thinks again of another classroom of children. They were just like these children she teaches now. Their hugs, their humor, their struggles, everything. She sees so many similarities, some days she looks at her new students now and thinks  "He's just like my Thomas, or my Oliver, or Silas, or Bryce!" and the list could go on. The little girls, and how they like their pretty dresses, and I can't help but think " Remember Eden and Amanda and Gretta? They're so much the same." She sits and watches and remembers, and sometimes she can't help but cry because she wonders just how her heart can be in two places at the same time.

...seeing the mountains in the far far distance...

And she misses so much, looking out her bedroom window, sitting on the back lawn, driving down the road, coming down into the valley and seeing those mountains so close. They meant home. Now there are mountains but they're different mountains. These mountains mean home now, even though they are so much farther away, they still mean home. But. She still misses those mountains.

So you see. It doesn't take much. There are so many little things. Someone asks, "how are you liking being at home?" And all I can do is say, "Honestly, I don't know. I'm so happy to be with my family again and to be home. But there are so many days when I would give anything, absolutely anything to be back there." It is true. But I've been so comforted so many times with the thought that I am where God wants me to be right now. At home. With my family. That doesn't mean it's all gonna be easy. It means that I can still have my heart in two places, and that some days I can still cry because I'm a little homesick.

It doesn't happen every day. Just every once in a while. And every once in a while is perfectly okay.